You Look Like a Toot.

Dear coworker,

You look a little bit like a fart. I know that probably doesn't make much sense to you, because...well, who looks like a fart? How's that possible, right? But seriously, you look like the physical incarnation of a fart. If the fart were to put on a funny hat and a big grin, that would be you.

And please, don't misunderstand, it's not that you smell bad or anything. And it's not just your face, or your stature, or any one particular thing about you. You just have a certain je ne se poo, as the French might call it.

I don't mean to be mean, but I'm saying this because I believe honesty is the best policy. And so that you'll know why I laugh every time you walk into the room.

"Ha ha. Fart person," is what I'll say.

Dooty-fully,
Your coworker