We're All Neck-and-Neck in a Race to Get Out of Your Eye Line

Dear Coworker,

Please stop making comments about everyone's necks. The size. The shape. The "lick-ability."

We're all pretty sure that you're joking, but we're also positive that we don't like it. Seriously, what a creepy fucking joke to make. Repeatedly. And if you're not joking...don't tell us. I think I can speak for everyone when I say none of us would ever sleep again if we found out you meant any of it.

And there would not be nearly enough turtlenecks in stock
on Amazon to make our office feel comfortable again.

I just shuddered so hard at the thought of that I messed up the sentence I was about to type. That's how terrified I am that you might really have a thing for people's necks.

It's just...necks?? Really?? WHY?? It has to be the least tantalizing physical feature. Except maybe knees. God, you don't have a thing for knees too, do you? Are you only staring at our necks because our dress code requires us to cover our knees?

...But you're joking. I think. Or you're a vampire. Either way, this is the dumbest thing I've ever had to scold someone for.

Just neck it off,
Your coworker

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