10/09/2013

On Behalf of Your Pets, Stop This Madness.

Dear Gale,

I know you're a dog person and that you love your pets more than anything in the world. And while I find the majority of the photos you show me to be adorable, I do believe a line has been crossed.

Specifically, the line that separates good taste from "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAVE YOU DONE TO THAT POOR ANIMAL??"




That's the line! Right there, staring you in the goddamn face with a look that says "I used to have a life that was worth living." Seriously, that dog might as well be wearing a sandwich board that says "If you know my owner, please, never stop kicking her!"

I don't even know where to start here. The hat? The neon blue atrocity that Pauly D wears when he DJs for Barry Manilow on Carnival Cruises? Or maybe it's the Hawaiian shirt that's literally been strapped to that poor labrador's chest? 

I don't know who we need to call about this, if it should be PETA or Liam Neeson, but someone has to step in and put an end to this. 

So don't talk to me about your pets anymore. Ok? Because I'm only going to think of bad things. In fact, if you try to tell me another "cute" puppy story, I'm going to pull this photo out and slap you in the mouth with it.

See you in Hell,
Your coworker

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